Taiko - Japanese for Testosterone

Dan: Yeah, Taiko is awesome! After one of their concerts I feel like just going out and punching a dog in the face!

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Beth, a minute after being repulsed by Dan's comment: And then, some dogs are made to be drop-kicked. You've got your 50-yard dogs, and your 75-yard dogs...

Cory and Women

Hannah: So, do any guys actually like Pride and Prejudice, or is it just tolerable?
Eric: Josiah likes it.
Cory: Yeah, but that's okay! He's from Kenya. If you're from a fomer British colony you can like it!
[laughter]
Allen: Like the United States??

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Eric (to Cory): We should have a bet, who can get a girlfriend first, you or my brother.
Cory: What?!? Your brother could have fifty girlfriends if he wanted to! At the same time!

Cory es suave...or not

*Disclaimer: the dialogue that follows is only an approximation of the original, with estimated error at ~20% of full-scale (conversational) output.

(After discussing the assorted colors in Allie's eyes for a while)

Allie: Yeah, my eyes have some red, green, and yellow in them depending on how you look at them.
Cory: Wow, those are all the principal lightsaber colors, except blue! I guess you can't be a Jedi Guardian, but you’ve got everything else covered!
Allie: My eyes look like *lightsabers* ?!?!?!

Round 2:

Grace: Well people say my eyes look like denim jeans.
Cory: Wow, they totally do look like jeans…….....Ummm, I mean, nice jeans, not like work jeans or anything….

David Scudder For a Day

Grace: Who would you be for a day?
Allen and Dan: David Scudder!
Grace: Hah! I asked that question just to see how many people would say David Scudder.
Beth: I wouldn't want to know what goes on in his head.
Grace: Hmm... maybe I would want to know that...
Dan: I bet there are just a bunch of Bible verses floating around!

Not those jeans, the other ones!!!

Cory: My future wife's genes better all be dominant...

Lexie: Well, I guess I know who's gonna be wearing the pants in your family...

Cory: Ummm.....Oh I get it, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

(Say it out loud to yourself to get it)

Beth's important question

Scene: Dan, Allie, Rob, and Beth sitting on the futon. Rob and Dan sit with their legs apart, and Allie and Beth with legs crossed.

Beth: Dan, why do guys always sit like that?

Dan: ...Do you really want to know?

Beth: ...No.

Snakes Don't Have Ears

Allie: Oh, I need to go see if Jen is done with the necklace holder she was making me.
Dan: See if she's done with mine - she was making me some earrings.
Allie: You don't have ears! I mean!